Saturday, November 5, 2011


Image from here

They wouldn’t do it in their bedroom. No, the bedroom had become way too boring; they’d been doing it there the past fifteen years. So where now? Choices, choices. Dining table? No, the glass wouldn’t feel comfy beneath her; she knew from experience. Maybe if she stood and held on to it? No. She’d always considered standing a tad slutty, which would be fine except she wasn’t in a slutty mood today. She was feeling all tender and womanly. The kitchen? No, it presented a similar problem to the dining table. Hmmm… she could go to his office and surprise him. She’d wear that nice red wraparound dress he loved—it would definitely make for ease of access—and nothing under. Kind of like Nicole Kidman in that movie, what was the name again? No, maybe she’d do that for their anniversary. Today she wanted to be home.

Oh, the new car might work. They hadn’t done it in a car since they were newlyweds. It seemed like such a long time ago now, that time when they were young and free and invincible. They could do anything anywhere, and they had. Now it seemed they barely had enough hours in a day, and none to spare for each other. She couldn’t remember the last time they’d made love, like in the old days, and fallen asleep talking in each other’s arms. And that was why she’d asked him to leave work early today, taken half a day off work herself and come home to prepare.

Yes, the car. The car was a no. She loved the idea of reliving their youth, but how ever would they explain the shaking of the car to Akpan, their nosy gateman/security guard. Actually, he wouldn’t need them to explain at all, and that there was the real problem. She would never be able to look him in the eye again. Or should they drive the car out when it got dark? No, that would be too much work, and it would not be worth the risk of getting robbed.

She strolled into the living room and looked around. Why the heck not? With the feather soft beige rug and matching couches, it was her favourite room in the house. And at least it wasn’t their bedroom. Simple ideas were indeed the most beautiful. She strode to her shopping bag and got out her goodies. She lit the scented candles and scattered the rose petals over the floor and couch. Next, her favourite Sade CD. She took out the new negligee to admire it again. He would love this; she couldn’t wait to put it on, and then have him take it off. But first, a nice soak in the tub, with that sexy body bath that was “guaranteed to have him drooling.” Well, she certainly intended to find out.

She took her bags and started to climb up the stairs, then she heard a key turn in the lock. Oh no, he was earlier than she’d anticipated. No worries, he could share her bath. She turned around, wearing her seductress smile, as she heard the door swing open. Her heart sank as her twins bounded through the door, a weary looking Bala dragging their suitcases behind him.

“Ah-ah, what happened? You people didn’t go to school again? Bala, did the car spoil or what?” she cried, not bothering to hide her displeasure.

“No, madam…”

“Holiday extended!” her son whooped.


“Apparently, schools cannot resume today. They say it’s because of the elections. So we’re here for like another week or so,” her daughter said.

They stopped short as they noticed the candles and rose petals and music. Then, as one, they let out a loud cackle.

“Mummy, what’s this?” her son managed to gasp through his laughter.

“Mummy the mummy! So this is how you and daddy use to enjoy when we’re not around abi. See romantic sturvs meeehn!” Priye screamed. She turned to her brother. “Ebi, see that’s why they sent us to boarding school.”

“Mummy, you’re too much jor!”

She turned and started back up the stairs, their laughing voices following her. She’d call Tonye and tell him not to bother coming home early. Maybe if they were lucky they’d still get to do it tonight. In their bedroom.


  1. Thoroughly enjoyed this piece. Married: The condition of old, ugly people with boring lives. Marriage: What a bummer, right?

  2. LMAO! Poor woman!
    I cant wait to read what the story from the husband point of view!

  3. @Joseph: glad you enjoyed it. I don't share your views on marriage and married people though.

    @HoneyDame: You're now putting ideas in my head...

  4. I completely understand her frustration. Marriage does change everything. And then when the kids come along... Gosh. Don't get me started. Now I feel miserable.

  5. Visiting and catching up.
    Just because I love hanging here, it's soothing and quiet

  6. "Mummy the mummy" That cracked me up. We always do this to my parents whenever they try to be romantic. Nice.