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Friday, October 19, 2012

HEART OF GLASS

Image from here 


It looks hard. It’s enough to repel most people, enough to make them give me what I want… distance. The few who try to step close, they get to a point, always a point, where they stop, give one last look and turn away. Always a point where they give up. Distance. What I’ve always wanted.

It’s fragile. I saw you and I knew. Your set jaw, your unrelenting eyes, that undefinable something, they told me you would be Trouble. I’ve had Trouble before, but even it leaves me alone. Eventually. So I watch with my smile mask on, awaiting your retreat; my victory. Waiting for distance.

What I always used to want...

Now I sit alone on the floor, holding it in a shaky hand. I try a soft cloth first. Wipe, wipe, wipe. I try a little spit, and I wipe. I dip my cloth in warm soapy water. Then vinegar. I spray on some Windolene. They won’t go away. Next, scouring powder. Then a metal sponge. It’s covered in scratches when I’m done. But, beneath the scratches, they haven’t gone away.

I realise what I must do. I stand, raise it over my head, slam it into the ground, shattering it into a million tiny pieces. The wall holds me, and I slide down until my knees hit the ground. When my tears stop blinding me, I will gather the pieces together and build me a new, touch-proof, heart.

But how dare you leave your fingerprints all over my heart of glass? And how, after everything, how dare you leave?

***

On the side...

Crazy schedule at school... so much to read. I feel like I need more hours in my day. But I said, "Uche, you must post something today!" So I wrote "Heart of Glass" a few minutes ago. (If you think it's rough - and it is - that's my excuse.)

I'm starting to think that I'd like to make this blog more personal (a bit more truth with the fiction), so the tone will change a bit, if I get it right. So when I do write fiction (as this post is), it might come with little notes on what inspired it, how it relates to me maybe, and other stuff that might not necessarily interest you

For this one, I think I was thinking of how some people think I'm a hard person to know. And they're probably right. I don't say much, don't give much away; and it usually takes a long time for me to get comfortable with people. Some of this is probably deliberate on my part. But mostly, it's just how I am and I can't help it. Sometimes I'd rather be different, but... I've never been good at acting. Now I'm taking small, deliberate steps to be more open. Work in progress

Anyway, I think that, however we may look or seem from the outside, most people want to be loved (romance aside). I think that people want to share of themselves, but for some reason(s) will not. Maybe cannot? Sometimes it's because they've been hurt. Sometimes maybe they just don't know how?

Okay, I'm stopping now. This "note" is now longer than the main story. 

Till next week, hopefully. And thanks for reading.

15 comments:

  1. I like it uche.....as for not being open with tym.......

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    1. Thanks for reading and commenting, Sikemi :-) *waving first-timer pom poms*

      True, we'll see with time.

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  2. Nice short story..

    Funny, you sound a lot like me...
    "I don't say much, don't give much away; and it usually takes a long time for me to get comfortable with people. Some of this is probably deliberate on my part. But mostly, it's just how I am and I can't help it. Sometimes I'd rather be different, but... I've never been good at acting."...

    That's just me... (not fibbing)
    For me majorly, 'I just don't know how' and then there might be some other issues involved.

    Hope school is interesting, despite the crazy schedule...:)

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    Replies
    1. Ah, we are kindred spirits then :-)

      School is definitely interesting, and just being in a new environment. The school work is challenging though, and I'm just thankful that I'm studying something I actually like. If not it would have been like hell, I tell you.

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    2. Abi, that's the most important part, that it's a course you're really interested in.
      All the best with everything.

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  3. Nice little story. Your personal note sounded like you were describing me, I am also learning to be more open to those outside my close circle. it's all part of growth and maturity. Good luck with school too

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    1. Thanks, Myne. It's good to know we are many. Lol.

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  4. Your personal note resonated with me
    Thanks for dropping by my blog
    I've popped you on my blogroll so I'l be back
    xxxxx

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    1. Thanks, N.I.L. And congrats on the Blog Awards nomination.

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  5. Nice to meet you... Lol*
    Be yourself, but a little adjustment will do.

    My Recommendation- "Be A People Person"
    John C. Maxwell.
    One touching line i found in that book- "people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care"

    I believe in you...
    -LuMie

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    1. Thanks, Olumide. Very thoughtful of you to recommend a book for me.

      I understand about being myself still. I'm not trying to change completely.

      Thanks again. Your comment is much appreciated :-)

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  6. LOVELY STORY! (Your personal note makes you sound like you're from another planet to me. Haha! I'm trying to say something different to what everyone else has said.)

    How are you?

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    1. Lol.

      I'm fine o, thanks. Still waiting for when you'll come to Manchester.

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  7. I think that you are a Fantastic writer! Well done

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  8. I think that you are a fantastic writer ! Well done .

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